HEY Stop! Before You Make That Final Decision..

HEY Stop! Before You Make That Final Decision…

Your Marriage Is Not Just For Your Generation.

While growing up, my mother tells me a lot of stories. But she hardly tells me about the story of the lion and the tortoise.

Instead she tells me about the stories of the Sohabas (Although then I didn’t know there were any people called that) and she tells me the stories of my ancestors.

I heard a lot of stories about when she was young that I seem to have lived in my grand parents generation (Although I got to meet just one of them). I know how each family member relates to each other and the role they played.

But Dear, I got to realise one fact; children don’t learn from their parents faults and mistakes; instead they see it as the right way of life and they live out those values.

Check your history…..

The type of marriage your grandparents had is similar to the marriage of your parents and sad as it is, you are also reflecting your parents marriage.

  • When a man is annoyed and stops eating to punish his wife/wives. If you ask him why; he will tell you “No woman dares treat my father bad; he will shun her and her food”

  • When a man has an unhealthy ego in his marriage and treats his wife without feelings and respects, check his father’s attitude, the reason is not farfetched.

Everywhere my sisters and I go to; people always say we have a voice. We accept things on God’s terms and our terms and we don’t shudder because our competitors are male.

Really, it never occurred to me that women were meant to be docile and keep quiet. I am just learning that most women were trained that way.

  • My grandmother was known to be a very outspoken and assertive person when need be. She understands what she wants and go for it no matter the obstacles placed in her front. (I give her a 100%).

  • My mother is also the same. People who know her with this traits will be shocked to realise she is not as outspoken and assertive has her mother (I give her 80%).

  • I am also the same. When I am hurt by my in-laws; I don’t cry and report on Facebook on what to do. I face the person and express myself.


When hubby displeases me; I don’t play the victim mentality. I don’t react, I respond.

When a scholar says something I know is not too right, I don’t tell myself he knows all. I challenge his reason for saying that.

And my spiritual role models are the Zinab bint Jash, the ummu Salamah and the Aishat bint Abu Bakr (A woman who is very knowledgeable and also shows her displeasure with the prophet S.A.W when he annoys her without being threatened by his prophethood) I give myself a 50%.

Well as you guessed; my 10year old daughter is even more outspoken and assertive than I am. (I give her a 70% tending towards 100%).

The point of telling you all these is that WE PLAY OUT THE VALUES OF OUR HISTORY.

So before you make any decision, know that you are not just ending your marriage or mending it. You are giving your children and their children’s children the template to follow if such things also happen to them.

They will refer to you and copy your ways whether it is good or bad.

  • If you treat your wife shabbily they will learn it as a way of life and pass it down to their children.

  • If you beat up a woman who displeases you, they will learn it as a way of life.

  • If you womanise, they will see it as the man thing to do.

  • If you curse your children when annoyed they will emulate you. And this curse will affect your generations. (Don’t deceive yourself; epe obi ma n mu yan years after the mother had forgotten she made such curses).

  • If you lie to your husband to inflate prices of things, they will emulate you.

  • If you break family ties, they will emulate you and see it as the good thing to do.

Whatever actions you are doing today will affect your generations yet unborn and your family will be known for that.

What history are you writing with your actions?

*The one that will make your predecessors people to emulate?

  • Or the one that will make people and their spouse curse their lineage?

The choice dear, is solely yours!

Yours for greater life fulfillment,

Oyin Ola-Quassim

#1 Life Coach in Africa

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